i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
its not stalking. its research.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
