there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
