if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
