have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
