I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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