You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
