I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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