I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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