yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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