Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
