I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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