I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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