I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
