His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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