Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
