You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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