Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
