Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
