I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
