you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
