Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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