Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
