Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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