I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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