True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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