just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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