This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
