Who wears a wallet chain?!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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