You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
