My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
