'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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