He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
