I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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