when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
