my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize