I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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