I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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