do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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