My sheets look like a crime scene.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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