So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
