Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
