im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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