I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
