Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
