wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
