And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
