he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
