Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the day after is always just damage control
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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