I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
