3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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