I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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