Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
