How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
