mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
