I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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