you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
