can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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