She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
