I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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