In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wish my penis had an off switch
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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