i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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