OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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