craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dick very happy bro
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
