I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
