he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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